I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
