woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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