I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize