My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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