It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
