but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
