We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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