I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
