just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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