Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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