At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
