I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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