hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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