Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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