You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
