So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
