Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
