U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
