i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She announced her abortion via fbk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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