thus making me awesome and them whores
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
