you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
