If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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