It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize