the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
