I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
