It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize