At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
