honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
