Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
