With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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