my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
