i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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