my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
