How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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