he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
