I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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