did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
