you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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