You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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