I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize