I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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