This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
