i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
