There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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