NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize