I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
