we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it because I queefed?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
