How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
