By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
