My balls are so social today.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
