oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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