i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
