So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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