I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
