I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
