yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
