I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
