my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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