I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
