My brain says no but my pants say off.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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