Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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