Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
