All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
