Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
