New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
