We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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