tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
