After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
