You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
