I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
