i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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