He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
