And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
