Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
