if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
