I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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