I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
