Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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