I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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