I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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