Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
