guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I puked a lego.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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