Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize