i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
