i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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