Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
