So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
