and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
