trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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