You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
