If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
