Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
