oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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