I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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