Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize