There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize