My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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