I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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