I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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