you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
