we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
barbara walters just said penis...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
