96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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